It Rains in February

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On February 24, 2007, my husband, Stuart, drowned himself at sea, leaving me a widow with two young daughters, aged six and four. I knew it wasn't an accident, despite the medics and police not suspecting suicide. Stuart had been contemplating ending his life for a year, with a recent attempt just three weeks prior. He described that day as the most peaceful of his life, sitting by the dam, smoking his last cigarette, and taking a hundred sleeping pills to ensure everything appeared accidental. He recalled swimming into the clear water, feeling no fear of dying, believing living was the real challenge. This memoir recounts the year leading up to Stuart's suicide, exploring his depression and obsession with both another woman and ending his life. Through authentic letters and emails, I share my journey of grief, profound loss, and self-discovery that followed. While each suicide is unique, this narrative offers an insider's perspective on dealing with extramarital affairs, depression, and bereavement. It may resonate with those who have faced similar losses or are grappling with depression, but it does not provide advice, as it is rooted solely in my personal experience.