Are You This? Or Are You This?

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When Madian Al Jazerah came out to his Arab parents, his mother had one question. 'Are you this?' she asked, cupping her hand. 'Or are you this?' she motioned with a poking finger. If you're the poker, she said, you aren't a homosexual. For Madian, this opposition tells us less about who he is than it does about patriarchy and power, and society's efforts to fit our identity into neat boxes. This kind of question has followed Madian all his life. He is Palestinian, but wasn't raised in Palestine. He was born in Kuwait, but he's not Kuwaiti. He's British-educated, but not a Westerner. He's a Muslim, but he can't embrace the Islam of today. He's a gay man, out of the closet but still living in the shade. As an adult Madian settled in Jordan, but he has left the country three times in fear of his life. He has moved around the world searching for acceptance and belonging, joining new communities in San Francisco and New York, yet always finding himself pulled back to Amman. This frank and moving memoir narrates his battles with adversity, racism and homophobia, and a rich life lived with humour, dignity and grace.